Quarantining With Your S/O

I don't have to tell you how much the world has changed in a matter of weeks.  We all know of the uncertainty we face.  We are at war with a virus we have yet to fully understand.  A lot of couples have had to make some impossible choices, and relationships are being put to the test.  Today, I would like to discuss the couples who have chosen to shelter in place together, either because they already lived together or because they did not want to face this storm alone.

I have personally lived with my partner for 2.5 years.  We have lived in 2 apartments together.  We are no stranger to living together.  Despite that, being trapped in the home together for weeks has been hard.  We are used to going to our jobs, doctors appointments, friends houses.  Being the only face that either of us physically see for an extended period has definitely put a strain on our relationship.  I know that we aren't the only couple facing this right now, so I wanted to share with you the things that we have realized and some solutions we have found helpful during this time.

1.  We have realized that we cannot talk about any serious relationship talk during this time.  It's really difficult not to.  We are isolated together, and while we have other people we talk to virtually, it is not the same as in person communication.  While it is important to have deep, meaningful conversations with each other as isolation partners, it is all too easy to become nit picky.  I was realizing that I was beginning to overanalyze everything, and even question where our relationship was heading or if he was the best person for me to be with.  In an effort to keep the mood as light as possible, we have to refrain from having any serious conversations about our relationship.
2. Those doubts you are having - that is the isolation talking.  Were you in a happy place in your relationship before all of this started?  If the answer is yes, and now you are starting to become unhappy with your relationship, it is important to realize that those fears are because of how much time you are spending together.  No relationship is meant to go on like this.  As I mentioned above, this was starting to affect the way I felt about our relationship.  Put those fears on the backburner.  You can pull them back out after this has passed, if it is still something you feel needs further examination.  My guess is that what you were worried about during this time, won't hold the same credence once our lives resume normalcy.
3. There are other ways to spend time together other than binge-watching TV shows.  I know, shocker.  The couch has this allure that draws you to it, and there is something so numbing about falling into a fictional world for a little while.  But it is important to shake things up.  Play a board game, a card game, a video game.  If you usually watch shows, watch a movie instead, or switch over to YouTube.  Change the medium in which you spend time together.  When you mind-numbingly consume a fictional world, while it might be a distraction from the craziness of this world, you are also tuning out of your relationship.  While sitting next to each other.  It is not very rewarding to realize that you spent 8 hours together, but that you weren't really there for it.
4. Even though you are isolating together, you don't have to spend every waking moment together.  My partner and I are both introverts.  We already had a really great system in place to spend time doing our own stuff, even when both of us were home.  We decided to keep that same routine.  It worked, and routine is important.  I recognize that not all people have a routine set up like that.  Perhaps you had separate time while out with your own friends, or in the 30 minutes while you waited for your partner to get home from work.  Now that those routines have been paused, it is important to find other ways of spending time alone.
5. Most homes or apartments have other rooms.  If you live in a studio apartment where your bed is in the living room, then I'm sorry, ignore this.  But if you have a bedroom, maybe spare bedroom, living room, kitchen, etc then enjoy that extra space.  If you want to watch TV which is in the living room, but your partner is playing a game on the laptop, then perhaps your partner should move.  (Definitely a real example.)  It is refreshing to not have your partner's face in your peripheral for a couple of hours.
6. Schedule a date night.  You can't go out, but if nice date nights were a regular part of you and your partner's life, then you should make an effort to keep that routine going at home.  Schedule it, keep it on the schedule, dress up, and order takeout (or better yet, delivery.)  Many of us have had losses to income during this time.  I know it can be scary to include any type of splurge, let alone take out.  But it is also so important to feed yourself and your relationship.  Treat yourself.  Not every night, or weekly.  Just once this month while we wait for lock downs to be lifted.
7. You have been blessed with this extra time.  Try to enjoy it.  The world is a scary and uncertain place right now.  Stressors like finances and job loss, and running out of toilet paper because we didn't take this seriously 4 weeks ago are on all of our minds right now.  But you have been gifted these few weeks with your partner.  Stay up late if you can, sleep in.  Enjoy each other's company.  It's okay to pretend this is a vacation.  Yes, people are dying.  Yes, it is going to take years for the economy to bounce back from this.  But it is also okay to enjoy the freedom of time you've been given during an ordinarily fast-paced world.

I know this is a scary time.  You are right to be afraid.  I am scared too.  Even though it doesn't feel like it, this will end.  We will resume our jobs, grocery shortages will be lifted, restaraunts and parks will open back up again.  And this world will breathe again.  We will make it through this.