Isn't It Romantic, Or Not: A Take On Romantic Comedies
There's this power that a good romantic comedy holds over the soul; the hope that true love can conquer all of the trials put to it, and the joy brought on by that initial spark that there might be something great brewing. But, no matter how great a romantic comedy might make you feel, ultimately they are wildly unrealistic. In real life, relationships are hard work, and there may be some differences that are just too much to overcome. You may not get the person of your dreams, and true love may not be able to overcome all. Regardless of how great a lighthearted love story can make you feel, if you don't know what to watch out for, it can easily distort what you think romance should look like.
I know what you're thinking. Romantic comedies are just movies, and you should be able to watch it as just that; a movie. Movies are based on fiction, and they should not speak for reality. A romantic comedy is no different than a fantasy movie; we can watch the Avengers without expecting to see superheros climbing burning skyscrapers to save trapped civilians, so why should we expect our high school sweetheart to come back and steal us away from the fiance that we actually don't want to marry after watching the Notebook? While this is absolutely true, when it comes to contemporary movies that are set in modern societies and that tend to look a lot more like the reality we live in, it can become harder to separate fact from fiction. And keep in mind, some children who watch the Avengers, do believe in superheros, at least to an extent. That is because children do not have a basic worldview established yet, and that leaves them much more susceptible to believing in concepts based in fiction. I started watching romantic comedies with my mom when I was around 10 years old. At some level, I knew what I was watching was fictional, but I also had no idea what love was supposed to look like. As far as I knew, it could look like threatening to throw yourself off a Ferris wheel for not being able to take "no" for an answer.
So, in what ways do romantic comedies distort the reality of relationships? The first, and largest example is that romantic comedies don't show the struggle of relationships, and the hard work that has to go into them. If a romantic comedy shows a break-up worthy fight, the very next scene is the couple making up in the bus terminal. It doesn't show the hard work that comes after that. The insecurities, the fights, or the therapy sessions that put your relationship on a path to recovery. In the movies, it just happens to turn out well. This can feed the disillusion that relationships don't require work. Usually, this novice misconception only lasts for your first couple of relationships before you figure it out the hard way, but those are still relationships that would have been saved if you had not had that misconception to begin with.
Romantic comedies are also incredibly cookie cutter. They often only show one type of relationship, which is extremely unrepresentative of the real world and the types of relationships out there. Romantic comedies tend to only focus on heterosexual, monogamous relationships between two people who fit the standard social definitions of beauty. They often do a poor job of representing ethnic diversity, minority groups, and those in non-standard relationships. Were you looking for a romantic comedy featuring a gay or lesbian relationship? How about one with a non-binary or transgender partner, or one with a loving triad? Sure, there are examples of romantic comedies for all of these types of relationships, but what I am trying to say is that they are not as common and much harder to find. Romantic comedies often only depict one type of relationship, and that is very unrepresentative of the real world, and can feel exclusionary for those in alternative relationships.
The third issue I have with romantic comedies are how they rarely seem to depict the female love interest's life outside of romance. You don't get a chance to see that character as something other than what the male love interest in pining after. She only exists to be romanced and wed. Sure, that ideal had it's time and place, even as recently as 20 years ago, but it shouldn't still be recurring in movies released in this day and age. In the past 20 years, women's rights have come a long way, and I'd like to think that we are in a place as a society where we are able to recognize the potential that women have outside of being in a relationship. Romantic comedies that still push the agenda that women only exist for the purpose of being in a relationship make it more difficult for women to find themselves outside of a relationship. It feeds feelings of guilt for preferring to be single, and sets us back from recognizing the potential that women have without having a man in their lives.
This topic was actually inspired by the recently released movie "Isn't It Romantic." "Isn't It Romantic" is a self aware romantic comedy that breaks the mold of what romantic comedies generally look like. It features a plus size female main character who is not shy about her distaste for romantic comedies. While the movie still features many of the aspects that romantic comedies generally have, like a big musical number with a dance routine, and a clumsy female love interest, it did not have the motive that romantic comedies tend to share. The purpose of "Isn't It Romantic" wasn't to have the women fall in love with the guy, they fight, break up, and then get back together and live happily ever after. It was for the women to realize she has to fall in love with herself before she can bring someone else into her life. This take on romantic comedies was refreshing. While I don't find the general stereotypes of romantic comedies romantic, this was.
Overall, there are a ton of issues with romantic comedies. Even though they are based in fiction, it is all too easy to view them as wildly unrealistic. Romantic comedies never represent the hard work that relationships require, and they do not tend to represent typically unconventional styles of relationships. Despite the ways romantic comedies are unrealistic towards real relationships, they can still be enjoyable, like, for instance, "Isn't It Romantic," which did a great job of demonstrating how romantic comedies can be more sensitive about the way they approach romance. Still, it can be nice to believe in the instantaneous kind of love that you just fall into, and stay in forever. Romantic comedies can be a great way to pass the time, but watch them with caution, and with the understanding that there is more to love than what's on the screen.
I know what you're thinking. Romantic comedies are just movies, and you should be able to watch it as just that; a movie. Movies are based on fiction, and they should not speak for reality. A romantic comedy is no different than a fantasy movie; we can watch the Avengers without expecting to see superheros climbing burning skyscrapers to save trapped civilians, so why should we expect our high school sweetheart to come back and steal us away from the fiance that we actually don't want to marry after watching the Notebook? While this is absolutely true, when it comes to contemporary movies that are set in modern societies and that tend to look a lot more like the reality we live in, it can become harder to separate fact from fiction. And keep in mind, some children who watch the Avengers, do believe in superheros, at least to an extent. That is because children do not have a basic worldview established yet, and that leaves them much more susceptible to believing in concepts based in fiction. I started watching romantic comedies with my mom when I was around 10 years old. At some level, I knew what I was watching was fictional, but I also had no idea what love was supposed to look like. As far as I knew, it could look like threatening to throw yourself off a Ferris wheel for not being able to take "no" for an answer.
So, in what ways do romantic comedies distort the reality of relationships? The first, and largest example is that romantic comedies don't show the struggle of relationships, and the hard work that has to go into them. If a romantic comedy shows a break-up worthy fight, the very next scene is the couple making up in the bus terminal. It doesn't show the hard work that comes after that. The insecurities, the fights, or the therapy sessions that put your relationship on a path to recovery. In the movies, it just happens to turn out well. This can feed the disillusion that relationships don't require work. Usually, this novice misconception only lasts for your first couple of relationships before you figure it out the hard way, but those are still relationships that would have been saved if you had not had that misconception to begin with.
Romantic comedies are also incredibly cookie cutter. They often only show one type of relationship, which is extremely unrepresentative of the real world and the types of relationships out there. Romantic comedies tend to only focus on heterosexual, monogamous relationships between two people who fit the standard social definitions of beauty. They often do a poor job of representing ethnic diversity, minority groups, and those in non-standard relationships. Were you looking for a romantic comedy featuring a gay or lesbian relationship? How about one with a non-binary or transgender partner, or one with a loving triad? Sure, there are examples of romantic comedies for all of these types of relationships, but what I am trying to say is that they are not as common and much harder to find. Romantic comedies often only depict one type of relationship, and that is very unrepresentative of the real world, and can feel exclusionary for those in alternative relationships.
The third issue I have with romantic comedies are how they rarely seem to depict the female love interest's life outside of romance. You don't get a chance to see that character as something other than what the male love interest in pining after. She only exists to be romanced and wed. Sure, that ideal had it's time and place, even as recently as 20 years ago, but it shouldn't still be recurring in movies released in this day and age. In the past 20 years, women's rights have come a long way, and I'd like to think that we are in a place as a society where we are able to recognize the potential that women have outside of being in a relationship. Romantic comedies that still push the agenda that women only exist for the purpose of being in a relationship make it more difficult for women to find themselves outside of a relationship. It feeds feelings of guilt for preferring to be single, and sets us back from recognizing the potential that women have without having a man in their lives.
This topic was actually inspired by the recently released movie "Isn't It Romantic." "Isn't It Romantic" is a self aware romantic comedy that breaks the mold of what romantic comedies generally look like. It features a plus size female main character who is not shy about her distaste for romantic comedies. While the movie still features many of the aspects that romantic comedies generally have, like a big musical number with a dance routine, and a clumsy female love interest, it did not have the motive that romantic comedies tend to share. The purpose of "Isn't It Romantic" wasn't to have the women fall in love with the guy, they fight, break up, and then get back together and live happily ever after. It was for the women to realize she has to fall in love with herself before she can bring someone else into her life. This take on romantic comedies was refreshing. While I don't find the general stereotypes of romantic comedies romantic, this was.
Overall, there are a ton of issues with romantic comedies. Even though they are based in fiction, it is all too easy to view them as wildly unrealistic. Romantic comedies never represent the hard work that relationships require, and they do not tend to represent typically unconventional styles of relationships. Despite the ways romantic comedies are unrealistic towards real relationships, they can still be enjoyable, like, for instance, "Isn't It Romantic," which did a great job of demonstrating how romantic comedies can be more sensitive about the way they approach romance. Still, it can be nice to believe in the instantaneous kind of love that you just fall into, and stay in forever. Romantic comedies can be a great way to pass the time, but watch them with caution, and with the understanding that there is more to love than what's on the screen.
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Awesome blog post! Very true and very spot on.
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