Grooming in Abusive Relationships
There is a misconception that grooming only occurs in cases of child abuse or pedophilia. While those instances are a common place to find grooming, it is also all too common in romantic relationships. So how do you know if you, or someone in your life is being groomed, and what can you do to support someone who you know is being groomed.
First of all, what is grooming? Grooming is a tactic of manipulation purposely used by a manipulator to establish a false since of security for the target. A manipulator will often buy their target gifts, plan elaborate dates, and supply compliments to make their target feel loved and supported. Grooming often looks like dating, but it comes with a nasty twist. Once the manipulator feels that the target is feeling secure in the relationship, they will begin to exhibit signs of visibly controlling or abusive behavior. This behavior is introduced so gradually that it may often come across as normal. The target may not recognize the signs of abuse when they begin, or they may try to rationalize it. Thoughts such as "this was my fault. I made him feel insecure. I shouldn't have reacted in that way." or "but he wasn't always like this," may surface for the target as they are forced to encounter this type of abusive behavior.
Anyone can become victim to this type of manipulation. The statistics revolving around abuse in romantic relationships indicate that women experience abuse and manipulation in a greater amount than men do, but I would take that with a grain of salt. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 81% of women and 35% of men report abuse resulting in physical or emotional trauma by an intimate partner. Just because the statistics indicate that women are more likely to report cases of abuse, does not mean that men cannot be abused to. Abuse does not discriminate against the sex you were born as or the gender you identify with. Anyone can become victim to this type of abuse. Thus, it is important to know what to watch out for.
If you are worried that you may be being manipulated or abused, pay attention to your intuition. Do you feel guilty, or wrongly defensive, or even scared? Do you feel like you can trust your reality, or that you are in a safe environment? Whatever your answers are to those questions, listen to them. You know yourself best, even if your manipulator is trying to tell you otherwise. Don't discredit those feelings. Secondly, have any close relatives or friends mentioned any red flags they see in your relationship, or expressed any feelings of unease around your partner? Often times, when you are being manipulated, you won't be able to tell for sure what is going on in your own head. Always listen to those close to you, because sometimes they may be able to see something that you don't.
Another thing that manipulators may try to do is cut off contact between their target and their close friends and family members in order to isolate the target. As mentioned before, your friends and family may be able to better see the ways you are being manipulated, so manipulators will often want to minimize the time you spend with those people in order to keep you in the dark. If you know someone who is being abused or manipulated, the most important thing you can do is be there for them. Often times, the message that is put across to those in abusive situations is that support will be there for you if you leave, but it's ultimately more important to be there for them, no matter what they choose to do. Don't try to tell them what they need to do or try to make decisions for them. Their manipulator already has that down pat. Explain how concerned you are for them and provide them with resources that they can choose whether or not to use. You can also offer to call a resource line with them, when and if they are ready. Reaching out for help like that can be really scary, and it's important to know you have someone there to support you. There are so many resources out there for whatever situation you or someone you know might be in. I have included a whole list of help lines and resources for anyone who might be in need.
To conclude, grooming is a type of manipulation that is intended to provide a false since of security and love for the intended target. Anyone can be subject to this type of manipulation. It is most commonly seen in cases of child abuse, but it is also all too common in romantic relationships as well. There are warning signs to watch out for, and if you are worried that you, or someone you are close to, may be being manipulated, please seek help. There are resources designed to help you, no matter what your situation is. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone, and you deserve to live your best life.
First of all, what is grooming? Grooming is a tactic of manipulation purposely used by a manipulator to establish a false since of security for the target. A manipulator will often buy their target gifts, plan elaborate dates, and supply compliments to make their target feel loved and supported. Grooming often looks like dating, but it comes with a nasty twist. Once the manipulator feels that the target is feeling secure in the relationship, they will begin to exhibit signs of visibly controlling or abusive behavior. This behavior is introduced so gradually that it may often come across as normal. The target may not recognize the signs of abuse when they begin, or they may try to rationalize it. Thoughts such as "this was my fault. I made him feel insecure. I shouldn't have reacted in that way." or "but he wasn't always like this," may surface for the target as they are forced to encounter this type of abusive behavior.
Anyone can become victim to this type of manipulation. The statistics revolving around abuse in romantic relationships indicate that women experience abuse and manipulation in a greater amount than men do, but I would take that with a grain of salt. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 81% of women and 35% of men report abuse resulting in physical or emotional trauma by an intimate partner. Just because the statistics indicate that women are more likely to report cases of abuse, does not mean that men cannot be abused to. Abuse does not discriminate against the sex you were born as or the gender you identify with. Anyone can become victim to this type of abuse. Thus, it is important to know what to watch out for.
If you are worried that you may be being manipulated or abused, pay attention to your intuition. Do you feel guilty, or wrongly defensive, or even scared? Do you feel like you can trust your reality, or that you are in a safe environment? Whatever your answers are to those questions, listen to them. You know yourself best, even if your manipulator is trying to tell you otherwise. Don't discredit those feelings. Secondly, have any close relatives or friends mentioned any red flags they see in your relationship, or expressed any feelings of unease around your partner? Often times, when you are being manipulated, you won't be able to tell for sure what is going on in your own head. Always listen to those close to you, because sometimes they may be able to see something that you don't.
Another thing that manipulators may try to do is cut off contact between their target and their close friends and family members in order to isolate the target. As mentioned before, your friends and family may be able to better see the ways you are being manipulated, so manipulators will often want to minimize the time you spend with those people in order to keep you in the dark. If you know someone who is being abused or manipulated, the most important thing you can do is be there for them. Often times, the message that is put across to those in abusive situations is that support will be there for you if you leave, but it's ultimately more important to be there for them, no matter what they choose to do. Don't try to tell them what they need to do or try to make decisions for them. Their manipulator already has that down pat. Explain how concerned you are for them and provide them with resources that they can choose whether or not to use. You can also offer to call a resource line with them, when and if they are ready. Reaching out for help like that can be really scary, and it's important to know you have someone there to support you. There are so many resources out there for whatever situation you or someone you know might be in. I have included a whole list of help lines and resources for anyone who might be in need.
To conclude, grooming is a type of manipulation that is intended to provide a false since of security and love for the intended target. Anyone can be subject to this type of manipulation. It is most commonly seen in cases of child abuse, but it is also all too common in romantic relationships as well. There are warning signs to watch out for, and if you are worried that you, or someone you are close to, may be being manipulated, please seek help. There are resources designed to help you, no matter what your situation is. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone, and you deserve to live your best life.
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, come follow me on social media!
Instagram: forthe.girlwhowaited
Twitter: _grllwhowaited_
Comments
Post a Comment