Adult Sleepovers and Long Term Relationships

I'm not going to lie.  I definitely started researching this topic on the side of this debate that adults don't have sleepovers; or that if they do, they don't continue to after developing more adult responsibilities such as long term relationships and professional jobs.  I started researching this topic to figure out if I was in the wrong, or if my reasoning was coming from the right place.  What I found is that I am not necessarily wrong to think sleepovers don't really have a place in established adult lives, but that it is a bit more complicated than that.

Generally, across the research I did, there are two defining reasons that it is considered okay to spend the night out at a friend's house, and those are that it is too late to drive home safely, or that you are too drunk to drive home safely.  I agree with this; your safety should come before making sure you're home for bedtime, and if your significant other, or anyone else for that matter, wants to give you grief about that then they clearly don't care about your safety.

That said, there seemed to be a much smaller percentage of people that would just stay over at their friend's place for a fun night out.  If anything, the most positive reason I could find to stay the night over at a friend's house as an adult is to be able to connect on a deeper level with your friends.  There was a blog post that I found on Now To Love that explained the reasoning for this quite well.  I would like to preface that this blog was written with a female gaze, but I tried my best to break it down to be as gender neutral as possible.  What this blog post broke into was ultimately that the shouted conversations held over obligatory dinner catch-up sessions are distracting.  You can't hear very well over the noise of the restaurant, and your thoughts are much more condensed to fit into the hour and a half that you're there.  Now, I can see where this is coming from.  There is something incredibly unfulfilling about catching up in that environment.  However, that blog reasoned that just knowing you have the whole night, and some of the next day, can set the basis for a much more relaxing environment to cultivate your relationships.  You don't have to yell at each other over the den of a poorly lit restaurant, and you don't have to worry about your time coming to an end.

It's easy to agree; that sounds like a much better use of your time.  That is, unless your someone who counts on that time coming to an end, like I am.  I do have friends, but I am also a world class introvert, and there is absolutely some comfort in knowing that a night out with friends has an ending to it.

I also don't think that spilling the tea is quite what some people get out of an all-nighter with friends.  For instance, this whole project started because my partner expressed a desire to have all night gaming sessions out with his friends, and I found I had some pretty severe hang ups about it.  Sure, there's an aspect of catching up with people he doesn't usually get to see, but I think it has more to do with an extended gaming session than anything else.  He enjoys gaming for extended periods of time when alone, so it would make since that he would enjoy doing that with friends as well.  In my research, I could not find this reason replicated anywhere.  What I could find, though, were board game suggestions for all-nighters with friends, so I am sure there are others out there that get together for this same reason.  There is no proof that those get-togethers turn into overnight stays, but combined with the other evidence I found of staying over because you had too much to drink or stayed up too late, I would not be surprised if that his how some sleepovers start.

It is generally agreed on, though, that at a certain point, waking up in your own bed becomes more enjoyable than waking up on your friend's couch.  This can be influenced by life circumstances, such as having a 9-5 job, a committed relationship, and other such adult responsibilities.  As one Reddit user put it, "Adults usually have responsibilities and we usually like to wake up in our own home."  When you stay over at a friend's house, it can delay your start to the day.  Your morning routine may go out the window, and if you have plans, it can really put you off on the wrong foot.  Not to mention, it is just much more comfortable to to stay in your own home.

All in all, there is not really an issue to continuing to have sleepovers as an adult.  I think my view of the topic may have been tainted by some unknown biases I had about sleepovers, adulthood, and perhaps even gender politics in relation to sleepovers.  As I mentioned before, most of the research I found was produced with a female gaze, although I re-purposed it to support anyone, regardless of gender.  That data just goes to show that there may be a greater social misunderstanding when it comes to male sleepovers.  Regardless, if your significant other expresses a desire to maintain connections with their friends by continuing to have sleepovers, you shouldn't let your relationship status get in the way of that.  Sure, you both likely have commitments, but you should be able to negotiate a way to make it work.  And, if you have any hang ups about it, I encourage you to consider where your unease may be coming from.  I know I will.

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